so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
