Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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