yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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