dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
