maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
