Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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