At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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