He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize