please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
