I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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