Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
