She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
