Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
