Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
