If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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