My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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