It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
