it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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