Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
