This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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