someone threw a dead crab at me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
