i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
