The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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