he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
