it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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