So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The adults are the big ones right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
