I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When are your genitals available?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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