I want to make a zoo with you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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