there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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