we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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