Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
