I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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