At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
