Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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