He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
