Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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