May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
