mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
