I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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