i wish there were pregnant emoticons
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
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