New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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