Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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