Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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