stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
