I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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