Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
