shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
