i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
