I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
