put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
