i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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