She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
