just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"