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Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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