farters have to be the big spoon...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important