Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
