I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
