HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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