Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
