Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
