i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
