Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
