Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
